I found this on my computer earlier... it's a paper I wrote for a class at Stevens-Henager. I thought it was kind of amusing.
The Seinfeld Paper
This paper can be on anything. Anything? Really? Anything at all? You trust me to choose a subject, putting your complete faith in me that my selection will be interesting and could also possibly make good dinner conversation? Not to mention I’m sure you expect me to be well-informed on my subject of choice, enough that I could forge questions about it and possibly have an honest opinion about it.
Ah, but see, that’s just me assuming. Assumption’s an amazing thing, isn’t it? In his book, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz states that one of the keys to personal peace is learning not to make assumptions about anything. How does that saying go? “Assuming makes an ass out of ‘u’ and me.” It’s understandable.
(Although in that particular proverbial phrase, never is the actual pure form of the word, “assume”, used. Isn’t that assuming in itself that the reader—or “hearer” if the case may be—actually can spell the word “assume” and barring that, realize that assume and assuming are merely different tenses of the same verb? This saying is really not at all worth its salt. Now that is a saying with meaning. Salt used to be so expensive and precious back in the middle ages… if you’re worth your salt, that’s really saying something. Plus, being worth your salt doesn’t make an ass out of anyone—“u” or me.)
I really should apologize for assuming your assumption… but then again, isn’t that another assumption? Assuming you would actually want an apology?
For my final trick, I daresay you expected this paper to be of some substance. (Educationally, of course, not physically, because it’s obviously physically substantial. I mean, you’re holding it in your hand, aren’t you?) I also assume you have drawn the conclusion that this paper is about assumption
I have fooled you!
This paper is fact! Solid proof, satisfying my curiosity—can I indeed write an assignment about… well, nothing?
This is the Seinfeld Paper. It is about nothing…
… though I’ll bet you assumed it was about Seinfeld when you read the title.
The Seinfeld Paper
This paper can be on anything. Anything? Really? Anything at all? You trust me to choose a subject, putting your complete faith in me that my selection will be interesting and could also possibly make good dinner conversation? Not to mention I’m sure you expect me to be well-informed on my subject of choice, enough that I could forge questions about it and possibly have an honest opinion about it.
Ah, but see, that’s just me assuming. Assumption’s an amazing thing, isn’t it? In his book, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz states that one of the keys to personal peace is learning not to make assumptions about anything. How does that saying go? “Assuming makes an ass out of ‘u’ and me.” It’s understandable.
(Although in that particular proverbial phrase, never is the actual pure form of the word, “assume”, used. Isn’t that assuming in itself that the reader—or “hearer” if the case may be—actually can spell the word “assume” and barring that, realize that assume and assuming are merely different tenses of the same verb? This saying is really not at all worth its salt. Now that is a saying with meaning. Salt used to be so expensive and precious back in the middle ages… if you’re worth your salt, that’s really saying something. Plus, being worth your salt doesn’t make an ass out of anyone—“u” or me.)
I really should apologize for assuming your assumption… but then again, isn’t that another assumption? Assuming you would actually want an apology?
For my final trick, I daresay you expected this paper to be of some substance. (Educationally, of course, not physically, because it’s obviously physically substantial. I mean, you’re holding it in your hand, aren’t you?) I also assume you have drawn the conclusion that this paper is about assumption
I have fooled you!
This paper is fact! Solid proof, satisfying my curiosity—can I indeed write an assignment about… well, nothing?
This is the Seinfeld Paper. It is about nothing…
… though I’ll bet you assumed it was about Seinfeld when you read the title.
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